How can we be authentic to our true self?
On our paths to self-discovery, we make goals, set milestones and keep track of our progress. It’s a continual calibration, as simply setting a goal isn’t enough. Forward movement requires making choices that support our goals.
You and you alone have to choose what you will be loyal too. We know all too well how easy it is to get distracted, and to go back to an old habit “just this once”. We each have to decide what is truly important to us, and sometimes, we have to face rough truths. That piece of chocolate cake may seem like it’s just what you need in the moment, but is it truly more important than a goal of cutting back on sweets? The answer is “Yes” if you do end up giving in to the cake.
However, you also discovered a weakness, which you now can consciously take steps to address. Help yourself out! If you stay up too late at night looking at your phone, stop complaining about how little sleep you get. Make the conscious decision to leave your phone in another room at night. If the phone is right by your bed, you’ll be tempted to look at it. Build up your inner strength and determination so that you can keep your phone next to you without giving in to looking at it.
What is essential throughout any journey towards accomplishing a goal is DO NOT GIVE UP! If you eat that chocolate cake, own up to what you did, and then recalibrate your actions to be inline with your goals. Also take a moment to truly reflect on how that deviation made you feel? Did the cake address the desire you felt before you ate it? Did it live up to the hype? Did you end up in a sugar-induced stupor? Perhaps you want to cut back on video games or watching TV – give yourself a chance to really find out what it feels like, don’t assume that you will always want to keep on doing the same exact things you are doing now.
Keep getting back to your goals, no matter how far off track you might feel. Keep your mind open to new and creative ways to accomplish what you want as you progress through this beautiful life we’ve been given.
Next, set a timeline to motivate yourself on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis towards that goal. Make a plan with steps to be accomplished, and dates by which to accomplish them. If there is an end in sight, with a map on how to get there, you’re far more likely to work towards that result. In setting a calendar with specific challenges and tasks to be accomplished by a certain time, remember, that success often doesn’t come in the order in which we plan it. That’s okay. As long as you’re making progress towards your end result, you’re doing more than 99% of those around you. And you’re likely to get to your goal. Remember, a delay does not mean you have to abandon your goal. After all, you may need to adjust plans along the way as new information comes to us. As long as you start with a firm concept of what you want to accomplish and by when, you will be in motion and moving toward the finish line. Professional athletes, for example, dedicate themselves to practicing, training and striving to meet specific markers along the way to their end goal. Just like that, we need to be specific and consistent. Keep in mind that none of us know when the sun will go down in our lives. All we have is today, to work our hardest, to move forward doing the very best we can with the tools and circumstances in front of us. If you live each day in service to your goals and values, working towards making them happen, I guarantee you will find satisfaction and success!
While you’re reading through this, try to think about times when you may have felt critical of others or yourself. Did holding those feelings help the situation or did they make it worse?
As you become more aware of the energy and emotions you want to purge from your environment, try your best not to get caught up in criticizing yourself for the attribute you want to be rid of. Please don’t be too hard on yourself for having apprehension or being restless or annoyed. The fact that you’re taking notice of these tendencies means that you’re doing something – you’re starting taking first steps to take control of your life. As I mentioned earlier, try to analyze these shortcomings with a very close eye.
When you’re driving down an old road on a hot day and your car gets covered in dust, you wouldn’t think of it as right or wrong. You understand that this is something that just happens, and you make a mental note to get the car washed the next time you’re in town. Let’s pretend you’re in a car and it begins to rain, naturally your front window begins to get wetter and wetter so you turn on the windshield wipers to see better. You’re not going to blame the rain for messing with you and say, “Why is this stupid water getting on my windshield and all over my car, and on a Monday of all days!?”
It doesn’t really matter how you feel about the rain, partially because the rain doesn’t care about you either. Maybe you have been experiencing a major drought where you live and you welcome the downpour with open arms, or maybe you’ve had drenching floods lately and you don’t want to see another drop of rain for the rest of your life. Regardless of how you feel, you have to deal with what’s happening in the moment. Getting worked up and allowing emotions to negatively influence you won’t help. In order to move forward, you have to establish a balance, be positive, and take appropriate measures.
Life is like sailing across an ocean, and in the same way that you experience rough and turbulent weather at times, so too will you experience fear or doubt or jealousy and you’ll want to have your umbrella with you. That’s perfectly natural. Observe these attitudes for what they really are and, becauseyou’re being consciously aware just know that they’re holding you back, set your sights on removing them and replacing them with belief in yourself as your own unique person, gratitude for what you already have, and excitement to be alive with a new day of opportunity ripe for the takinIf you connect with what you’ve read here you might enjoy the book I wrote SEVEN STEPS TO INNER POWER, where I talk about other life experiences and what I’ve learned in the process.
It’s a common misconception that most of our attachments center on objects or people. The truth is that our attitudes and feelings about objects are more binding than the objects themselves. For example, we may become attached to an object, person, or situation (even if we complain about it) because we like feeling comfortable, we fear change, and we don’t have the courage to take initiative on our own. Maybe we stay with a domineering boyfriend, girlfriend, or employer, even though doing so is keeping us stuck in a rut. In cases like these, fear is the real attachment, not the person. If suddenly those people are removed from our lives but we still have not let go of our fundamental fears and have not developed the strength to stand up for ourselves, we’ll just become attached to the next domineering boyfriend or girlfriend or employer that comes along – and continue to complain about them. That’s because the thoughts we keep in our mind rule over us as long as we allow them to stay there, and they continue to produce the same results. Visit me online at my school, Jung SuWon or on YouTube Enjoy some of these recent articles published in Parabola, Medium and Silicon Valley Talk